The secret fears

I am deathly afraid that two adults will walk into the hospital Thursday morning, and only one of us will come out.

I am afraid that two adults will go in, but only two adults will come out.

This is what keeps me awake at night, that something will go terribly wrong, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Childbirth happens to millions every day. And millions of children are born healthy, and happy to millions of mothers. Why am I deathly afraid that we will be on the other side, statistically speaking?

About Kevin Sonney

Kevin Sonney - who, contrary to popular opinion was NOT raised by wolves - grew up in central North Carolina. He fell into the technology field by accident in 1991, when he gave up the wild and crazy lifestyle of an on-air AM radio DJ to become a mundane technical support monkey. The technology industry has never really recovered from this. Kevin has worked for such names as IBM, Red Hat, webslingerZ, and Lulu Technologies (we won't mention the ones that didn't survive the experience). He currently works as a Linux Administrator for Apptio. In his spare time he rescues stray animals and plays video games with his two sons. His wife, we're sad to say, helps him get past the really hard bits. Kevin is still not very mundane, he just got better at hiding it.
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4 Responses to The secret fears

  1. moonfl0wer says:

    you and renee will be in my thoughts and prayers. i’m sure everything will go well. *hug*

  2. ryeth says:

    It’s an understandable fear that probably everyone of those millions of people having kids worry and wonder about. I’m sure it will go just fine, just try not to think of those things.

  3. lightkeeper says:

    Oh My dear, to let you know I have been in your shoes, will not help your fears any, but I hope what I am about to tell you will. I am the mom of 5 wonderful children, all BOYS!
    Matt, 12 was a very easy birth. 21 mins 7 screams 3 pushes.(it pays to be young).
    Jd, 10 was 2 1/2 hrs, still pretty easy and healthy. Went home at 7 hrs of age and caught Bronchitis at 2 weeks. Now is Travel Soccer Player on a 1st Place team and is Obnoxious!
    Nate, almost 6, was born at 3lbs, was born by emergency c-section and has had 18 surgeries. He is truly my trooper. Lives a very normal life, one which Drs said he would never have.
    Donald was 21 hrs of hard labor, born PERFECT and amazing. He passed away from a tragedy unrelated to anything normal. Do not let this scare you.
    After Donald passed I felt every fear you had. I was so scared that I would not be able to hold him, love him, that so much would go wrong. I wanted a c-section.. I wanted him early. His Due date was the Day Donald passed on. My Dr agreed. Well Noah Hunter was born early on Feb 7, 01. He was born after 24 hrs of the worst pain I ever had, and many things went wrong, with me. I was so stressed, I passed out! Noah is now 8 months old, living and breathing everyday and already cruising furniture! He is loud, screams at me when I leave the room and smiles when I enter. ( If I could only get a grown up man to treat me like this!). He truly is a miracle and a blessing.
    Point… Good things happen .. Bad things happen. Even when bad things happen, good can come out of it. And when Good things happen, bad can come at any time. You cant let Renee feel this fright in you. She has her own fears as any expecting mother would. Talk about this with her and her Dr. take control, ask questions and be on top of things. The best way to overcome this fear is to be on top of it. I am sorry if this is selfish of me, writing all this to you, but I want you to know that You and Renee will be in my thoughts on Thursday as you bring a new life into this world. Things will be fine. You will be fine and so will the baby!

    Huggs to you both.. and the little ones!

  4. dtamayob says:

    and that you’re taking the responsiblity seriously…and that you are human.

    I can remember a story from not long ago about a man who forgot his kid was in his carseat in the back of his car, went into work and by the time he came out, the child had died of heat exposure and suffocated. That story enraged me, but for many reasons other than one might think.

    How could he have done something like that? How could ANYONE be so careless??? And the most frightening question – could I, overtired or preoccupied, have done that myself???

    Having a child is such a huge responsibility, and all of us have fears of screwing something up or doing something outright stupid. You’re right – everyone has kids, even the dumbest of the dumb, and somehow everyone manages to make it through one way or another. What greater fear could you have, with a new life coming into your caring, intelligent and oh-so-capable hands, than to think you of all people might have one brain fart and drop the ball in a big way?

    You’ll do fine. We all do. You’ll leave with a beautiful baby, a healthy wife, and a chance to give love and comfort to yet another life. Have faith, but stay on your toes. That’s what being a parent is all about.

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