From: Phil Lee
Date: 14 Mar 2002 17:19:16 -0500
It just became clear to me in a vision that it is my dream, my duty, in
fact, my destiny to write up endless web quizes and post them all over the
net. There just aren’t enough of the cute lil’ things out there. For
years I’ve ached to find a properly creative use for radio buttons, and
here it is!
Millions will adore me. My website will get hits like I’d posted the link
to Bill Gates/Pamela Anderson sex videos to Slashdot. Everyone and their
cousin will forward me across endless mailing lists, making sure that
everyone from cypherpunk hipsters to 40-something secretaries will be able
to enjoy my wit, my wisdom, and my astounding insight. LiveJournal will
establish a webshrine in my honor.
I’ve got a million ideas for these quizes, too. “Which U.S. coin am I?”
“Which variety of paperclip am I?” “Which circa-1973 4th grade math
textbook am I?” I know that a legion of bored web-browsers are dying to
know if they’re a buffalo nickel, a Susan B. Anthony, or merely a lowly
Besides, my keen insight into human nature can’t help but provide an
amazingly accurate conclusion. Just imagine yourself enjoying the
“Okay, let’s see. I’d prefer to own a Pinto…I prefer vertical stripes
to horizontal…I prefer military time…the Atari ST could kick the
Amiga’s ass…and my favorite department store is Penny’s. And the
results are: ‘You are shy, yet outgoing. You have at least one ridge that
makes a 360 degree circle in your print. Your fingerprint pattern is: the
Whorl.’ Wow! I can’t wait to tell all my friends!”
Impressive as all hell, ain’t it? I know that I’m personally dying to be
able to properly label myself in such a manner. And here I always thought
of myself as more of an arch or a loop.
In fact, my scientificly determined, yet oustandingly clever, questioning
technique has been refined to the point where I need only ask a single
question to properly classify someone! I’m proud to be able to share the
results of my research for you today.
Please pick one of the following
And that’s just for my “What sex toy am I?” quiz! I know you’re all
impatient for the results, but you’ll just have to wait until I get the
full quiz setup on line. In the meantime, I’m sure you’ll all be able to
entertain yourselves with other, lesser online quizes.
Phil “I’m not really as crabby as I sound. Honest.” Lee