Tired and grumpy

Came home from work. I was happy to be home, but tired. I just wanted to relax a little.

Hung with the kids, cleaned up after their day, fixed the computers, cleaned up some (not all) of the dirty dishes, checked email & lj, took the clean laundry from yesterday & today upstairs, folded about 5 loads of laundry (i.e. the entire week’s worth), put away the laundry, and collapsed.

Renee? She checked her email, had a wine cooler, finished the dishes, played with Jacob, and surfed the ‘net.

I’d probably be less grumpy about it if that (sans laundry) hadn’t been my routine for the past week. No, month. At least since my new schedule started.

I mean, how hard is it to clean up after dinner? The garbage can is under the sink. How much extra effort does it take to open the cabinet and put the un-save-able leftovers, plastic wrappers, boxes, scraps and whatnot in the garbage? Why the hell are there between 3 and 5 cups per person upstairs? Presumably someone is going to the kitchen to get more drinks. Is it so hard to stop, grab the empties and take them downstairs with you?

Folding the laundry I understand – that takes two hands. But it’s not like it hasn’t been done with the kids before. And then putting it away – even when the laundry gets folded, it’s left folded in the basket for days. Several days. I found Ray’s clothes – folded in a basket form last week!

What the hell goes on when I’m not home? She has plenty of time to IM/call if something on the computers i borked. She has plenty of time to find every cel auction and keep up with her chat buddies. If she can do that, why the hell are the lunch dishes still upstairs?

And if I ask her about it, there’s a defensive reaction – “Well, the kids…” Heck, I’m tired of hearing that the kids get in the way, or won’t let her. I won’t let them. Shit needs to get done, and I get it done. Some days not as efficiently as others, but still. I’ve done my share of dishes with Jacob screaming at me. Filled the dishwasher one handed, because he wants to be held. kept Ray entertained while I cooked, and not just microwaved dinner. Cleaned up before giving the kids a bath. Watched TV and picked up the family room.

Do I expect too much? I mean, I expect her to help keep up the house, theoretically when I’m not home. But she can’t seem to do housework without me here to watch the kids for her. Does she need time for herself? Absolutely. Can it wait until after the chores are done? yeah, that too.

She wanted to know if I wanted to watch a movie last night, or play a game. Fuck yeah, but there was too much to do, and so I said “no.” but she was still cheery enough when she came to bed.

Maybe that was just the wine cooler she had had earlier. At least tonight she waited until i got home before she started drinking it.

I want to be mean. I want to say “this shit has got to stop” – I want to actually win that argument for once, and not back down when she gets pissy and defensive. I always back down from this fight. Always. Because even if I win, I’ll loose.

Argh.

I’m glad I’m going to the hockey game tonight, but I’m not looking forward to it, because I *KNOW* that when I get home, it’ll be just like I went to work, only later at night. I don’t want to go, if for no other reason than I don’t want to come home and clean up after everyone else. I want to go, because unlike work, that time outside the house is *MINE*.

Is it bad that I’m more relaxed at work than at home? That I look forward to being home, but that the time between the kids going to be and me going to bed isn’t actually relaxing?

About Kevin Sonney

Kevin Sonney - who, contrary to popular opinion was NOT raised by wolves - grew up in central North Carolina. He fell into the technology field by accident in 1991, when he gave up the wild and crazy lifestyle of an on-air AM radio DJ to become a mundane technical support monkey. The technology industry has never really recovered from this. Kevin has worked for such names as IBM, Red Hat, webslingerZ, and Lulu Technologies (we won't mention the ones that didn't survive the experience). He currently works as a Linux Administrator for Apptio. In his spare time he rescues stray animals and plays video games with his two sons. His wife, we're sad to say, helps him get past the really hard bits. Kevin is still not very mundane, he just got better at hiding it.
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