On Friday nights


So Renee comes to bed around 12:30, after I’ve been out for about half an hour, and wonders if I’m interested in a quick one. Now, normally, I’d say yes, just because you’re not supposed to say no to those sorts of things, and given the recent frequency, that could be it until next month. But I didn’t. I had to stop and think, which she said means no. And then I explained that I really hadn’t been interested in about 4-5 days, and that I was on the depression borderline.. .

Why? I’ve got the job I want and love, and while money is tight it’s not too bad…and, hell, I love her more than life, but it’s sure as shit no very easy to feel loved when she’s waking up, turning on the computer, starting her game, and basically ignoring me and the kids until bedtime. I figure she clocked 12 hours/day in game Saturday, Monday and Friday, and at least 8/day on Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday – with breaks for food bathroom, and little bits here and there to play with the kids for 15-min stretches. And that was this week. So add into the usual “Kevin’s doing the housework” angst the feeling that, for the past 2-3 weeks, he’s being ignored. While she’s saying she loves me in very high frequency, it’s not like she’s been “here” to actually show it.

I did *NOT* bring the kids into it, since I’ll get over it, but they really are the ones getting hurt by her obsession. nor did I mention my strong urge to do things I normally avoid.

(Side note: I do *NOT* indulge in substance abuse as a form of escape from life’s problems – and I’ve been considering just that : get up, go to work, come home, put the kids to bed, do the household stuff that didn’t get done while I was at work, drink (or whatever) until I’m too tired/fucked up to care, get up the next morning and do it all over again. For someone with an addictive personality like me, that’s asking for trouble. And, for the record, I’m not saying substance abuse in general is a bad thing, but like all things, it’s the reason why we do it that determines good and bad.)

She, to her credit, admitted that she had become a bit obsessed. OK, a lot obsessed. And that we get this way – although I did point out that in the past we’ve also done better about keeping it under control, and not affected the kids or each other with it.

So I told her we’ll see. I mean, it’s one thing for her to say she’s sorry – like I did this past spring, when I was more interested in everything except the mess at home and work – and to actually do something about it, which is what I’ve spent all the time trying to do. And I hope like hell this isn’t like the times I’ve blown gaskets over the housework – that is, it gets done for a week, and then slacks back off to the point where I’m ready to blow up again.

I think she’s the one that said nothing was gonna change when I blew up at her last month. I still hope she’s wrong. but at this point, knowing and loving her as much as I do, I don’t really expect it to. Which just adds to the not-too-happy feelings, y’know? Lower your expectations, and you can be happy when you’re wrong. And since this summer, mine keep getting lower and lower….

About Kevin Sonney

Kevin Sonney - who, contrary to popular opinion was NOT raised by wolves - grew up in central North Carolina. He fell into the technology field by accident in 1991, when he gave up the wild and crazy lifestyle of an on-air AM radio DJ to become a mundane technical support monkey. The technology industry has never really recovered from this. Kevin has worked for such names as IBM, Red Hat, webslingerZ, and Lulu Technologies (we won't mention the ones that didn't survive the experience). He currently works as a Linux Administrator for Apptio. In his spare time he rescues stray animals and plays video games with his two sons. His wife, we're sad to say, helps him get past the really hard bits. Kevin is still not very mundane, he just got better at hiding it.
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5 Responses to On Friday nights

  1. ex_redsonja442 says:

    As to the housework? My boi would wear the same clothes till they rotted off of him, allow the dishes in the sink to grow new life forms, let the trash turn into nuclear waste…you get the picture. He thinks he doesn’t have to do anything because he doesn’t care. Never mind that it hurts *me* to have to do ALL THE WORK, ALL THE TIME. He should respect me enough to do his share even if he doesn’t care for himself!!! I said no last night too. Because I was too tired and ragged out from doing all the work myself, and I’m sick on top of that. Christ. And the game obsession…oh yeah. Maybe we should take your wife and my boi and lock them up together for a week or two and see if they learn a lesson when everything is dirty, there’s no way to walk across the mess on the floor, all the food and T.P. is gone and it totally smells!!!

  2. alchemist says:

    The frustrating thing isn’t that she doesn’t do it – she will if asked or reminded – it’s that she doesn’t *THINK* to sdo it on her own. I mean, you ahve to go downstairs to get a cup of milk for the kid(s). Why not stop and pick up the one or two used ones on the way? Why are there sometime >5 empty/partial cups of milk in the room per day when i get home?

    I know you went downstairs for the snack, why is the lunch plate (empty) still on your desk?

    Little things. The laundry is overflowing, why not run a load? Why do I need to ask/remind you to do so? I was the clothes, fold the clothes, but if she goes to before I put them away, does she ptut hem away? Nope, just moves them out fo her way. Would she if I asked her to? Probably. have I expressed that I shouldn’t *NEED* to remind her? yes. Does it last more than a week?

    not usually. *sigh*

    Nah, it’s not quite as bad as your situation – your bois just sound like they’re male pigs. Renee is a great mom, a (mostly) good wife, but she is so wrapped up in what’s easiest for her she sometimes doesn’t think what it’s doing to the rest of us.

    FWIW, I’m feeling better today, but then again, her behavior today is different. Let’s give it two weeks, and then see….

  3. ex_redsonja442 says:

    Man. Asking for help just gets me bitched at.

    I’m obviously a doormat. *sigh*

    Pigs, yes, they totally are!!!

  4. alchemist says:

    Doormat? Hardly. It mostly means you’re living with assholes. I’v elived with assholes. I know them well. hell, I’ve even been one once or thrice, so I know the type.

    They either grow out of it, or you grow out of them. I’ve done both, although in the later case, I wasn’t romantically involved with one of the assholes…

    (which would be pretty litteral, now that I think about it, since all the asshole roomie’s I’ve had were guys. And thinking that sort of through about those particular people squicks me the *HELL* out.)

  5. ex_redsonja442 says:

    Sadly, in college I lived with female assholes that were even worse.

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