WTF!

Ah the eternal internal debate. Once again, we’re reaching the breaking point. OK, I’m reaching the breaking point.

I love her. She loves me. but it’s hard as hell to maintain a relationship when the typical day is :

6am-ish: I wake up.
7am-ish: I leave for work, kissing her goodbye in her semi-sleep
5:30pm-ish: I leave work
6:30-ish: I get home. I have dinner, sometimes with her and the kids, sometimes not. When done, she goes back to Ragnorok online
7pm-ish: hang out with, play with, the kids. She’s stil playing
9pm – Ray’s bedtime. She’s still playing. Unless he asks her for a story, she doesn’t even say goodnight to him.
9-ish: play with Jacob, watch TV computer, whatever, until Jacob decides to sleep. She plays RO the entire time.
Midnight: I pass out. She’s still online.
3-ish: wake to pee. (TMI!) She’s asleep in the bed.

See a trend? There are three issues, as I see them :
– Jacob is still sleeping in out bed
– Jacob is still nursing
– She plays her game for at least 6 hours every night, if not more before I get home.

While not happy with the first two, it’s the third that’s been driving me nuts for the past four months. At least since before big ice storm. And I could deal, if she didn’t turn into queen bitch when the game isn’t available. Maybe not super bitch, but a lot more temperamental. The week it was down, and her computer wasn’t working right, was a strain on me. The longer it went on, the more upset she got.

And she stops every so often to smile sweetly at me, as if to say “I know I’m online, but I still love you” – the most tender looks. it’s that that keeps me from just dropping a bomb – me or the game – because I know she still cares. Honestly cares about us. She just has this little problem. The one where she smiles at me, then turns back and giggles at something someone in game typed. Like “I love you, and I want to show if, but my mind is in here.”

And we won’t even talk about sex. Well, OK, maybe a little. A satisfying sex life has turned into once a month if I don’t ask for it on a daily basis. Which feels like begging. it’s like, if I want it, I have to remind her to want it to, expect for those one or two days when her hormones peak. Maybe I just got spoiled when she was pregnant and just after, when we were 2-3 times-a-week. And I can live with the reduced schedule, I’m sure – I have in the past, and wasn’t this unhappy – if it weren’t for the fact all her attention seems focused on the game.

My god, a few weeks back she interrupted us making out a little before bed to tell me a funny story about one of the people from in game, because she almost forgot. Big turn on that. HUGE.

Is this how Everquest Widows/Widowers feel? How the fuck do you get across to your partner that her/she may have a problem? “You have nothing to worry about. It’s only a game. I’ll cut back” – the first time I believed her, and she tried. The second time it didn’t even look like she tried. Unless she’s not playing until I get home. Which is really good for the ego, ya?

I think I may have busted something in me last spring. Al I can think about is saying “cut back, make it stick, or I’m walking” – which means I’m getting screwed, and not in a good way. of course, she’s already inferred that if I ever tried to toss her out, things would go badly for me. Feh.

I’d blame it all on my cold meds, but this builds up every few *WEEKS*. That makes me wonder if it’s just me, or not.

Maybe the trip to DC will help. I need some away time. I’ve not had a vacation in almost two years, and it’s been a long stressful time. While the training schedule looks like mostly pain, at least i can retire to my room (if I’m not bunking with someone) and relax for a bit. Or just get wasted and not care since the kids aren’t around.

But I’ll miss my boys. And Renee. I love her more than anything, but it’s hard to love her some times….

Fuck gotta run – I should be in the shower now!

About Kevin Sonney

Kevin Sonney - who, contrary to popular opinion was NOT raised by wolves - grew up in central North Carolina. He fell into the technology field by accident in 1991, when he gave up the wild and crazy lifestyle of an on-air AM radio DJ to become a mundane technical support monkey. The technology industry has never really recovered from this. Kevin has worked for such names as IBM, Red Hat, webslingerZ, and Lulu Technologies (we won't mention the ones that didn't survive the experience). He currently works as a Linux Administrator for Apptio. In his spare time he rescues stray animals and plays video games with his two sons. His wife, we're sad to say, helps him get past the really hard bits. Kevin is still not very mundane, he just got better at hiding it.
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3 Responses to WTF!

  1. ryeth says:

    I’m sorry things are still tough with your family. Home stress is so hard – I’ve had my dose.

    Doug and I have both had these entertainment addictions. Me with role playing games with friends when Iw as around 20 (I’d play 3 times a week or so all evening through the night, sometimes into the morning – while doug worked a real job leaving us with no time together at all), Doug with various computer games or programming projects (comes up about once a year or so)… so I know exactly what you are talking about. For me, with the gaming – it took Doug scaring the hell out of me (after talking many times and me not giving it up) by me coming home one night to find him gone out to the bars (which he never did.) It was like a big flash – that he wouldn’t always be at home waiting for me. I couldn’t ignore his request because he’d just go on without me. So I gave it up. On Doug’s side it usually takes me throwing fits over and over till either the project is over or he finally gives up on the game.

    So no easy advice or answer – just letting you know that I understand and it sucks. I hope it gets better. *hug*

  2. ex_dragonfly63 says:

    Well, Matt and I went through this. And though we ended up ending our marriage, it wasn’t because of this, so I’m serious when I say that I think it can be worked through.

    He was addicted to video games from the start of our marriage, and I was very accommodating. But then they got me into online games, and I became absolutely, positively addicted. The truth was that I was very lonely, and the interaction online was my self-medication. My addiction and his caused a huge rift between us for a while, and we nearly got divorced in our second-third year of being married. We were barely able to be friends, and we ruined our intimacy by not working on it, and carrying over our frustration into the bedroom.

    Eventually, enough people prodded me, and enough situations demanded my attention, so I gave it up. It was harder than it was for me to stop drinking! I might play a tiny bit while he was at work, but I switched that energy into trying to do more productive things.

    Yes, I think people need to talk, when it gets like this. We didn’t have children in the picture, and it was still ruining our relationship. For all we know, it might have been one of the things that caused us to fall out of love with each other many years ago. Things that happened during that time left a couple of wounds that never healed.

    My two cents is that if there’s anything causing frustration or distance between two people, it needs to be addressed, even multiple times, if it keeps up. But I’m not walking in your moccasins. I hope it gets better!

  3. ex_redsonja442 says:

    I want to strangle ppl who do things like that. You are her HUSBAND. Fuck the stupid game. You are a real live human being who is intrinsically more important than some dumb ass computer game!

    this is just incredible to me.

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