1321

Kids are hyper.

Renee is enjoying Mother’s day by ignoring the rest of us and playing her game.

Oh, wait, she does that every weekend.
We’re literally almost out of the staples. No milk, bread, barely any eggs, no crackers, or fruit. Renee said she’d go to the store YESTERDAY when it got too hot to be outside. We see how that went.

Just like the laundry she said she’d help put away. it’s still in the basket in our room.

It’s mother’s day. I’m not gonna yell. I’m not. Really. I’ll save that for tomorrow.

Even if it’s counter productive. I’m tired of this “weekend == ignore kevin and the kids and the house unless I have something I want to do” bullshit. I’m *REALLY* tired of the “ignore Kevin unless we’re interacting with the family or I’m/he’s horny” thing.

I’m tired fo Ragnarok Online 8-14+hours a day. Logged on at 8, I expect she won’t log off until it’s time to go to her mom’s house this afternoon. Then back on when we come home until 12:30/1am.

Did I mention about a week ago she needed some “give-away” accounts for RO and so registered under my email? And she’s all like that was no big thing?

And it’s not like I’ll get any long-term benifit over the “discussion” we’re going to have. Maybe a week of improved behavior, then a slow but steady drift back to where we are today. Empty snack food packages and leftovers all over her computer desk, the kids dishes all over the play room…Avon boxes allove rthe house, mostly where she opened them.

That’s been the case for the last six months. 8 to past midnight with the game. And when she *CAN’T* play the game or access her computer, she’s tired and in bed asleep by 10. Still mostly ignores me. Unless I press certain issues.

I wonder what would happen if I just turned off all RO capabilities on the house network? Same old, same old?

I can’t wait for our week at the beach next month. When she’s away from the game/cmputer for more than 12 hours she starts to get grumpy and mean. It’s not like she finds other things to do.

It’s not like there *ARE* other things to do. The quarterly bathroom cleaning has yet to happen (ugh. Soap scumm and water stains *shudder*) I guess I need to invite someone over for *THAT* to get done. And hey, what about un-junking the master betroom? or sorting thourhg jacob’s clothes and finding thingfs that don’t fit anymore. And putting those things in the attic?

(Side note: I’ll probably clean the garage, so i can put the truck in it someday. And by clean I mean “throw tons of shit out”.)

but, of course, “Jacob won’t let her”. Jacob hasn’t let her for the last year. Why should it change now? I mean, if you look back at the *SHIT* she put me through for not being here for the family last year, you’d kind of expect something from her, too. Right? Fuck no. I have to do all this working and sacrificing for her and the kids – giving up TriLUG, cutting the Hockey back to one, *MAYBE* two games a month if I’m lucky (hell, I think I went to all of 7 out of the 20 games I had on my half of the season tix this past year. because last year I went to “too many” in the Spring).

My whole life, whole attitude ahs been re-worked to accomodate what she thinks I shoudl do. My priroities are now Family, Work, Self because it was that or loose her and the boys.

I love her. I love her so much it *KILLS* me. I couldn’t leave her unless there was some circumstance that forced me to do it. But I am on the verge of a major meltdown. And about to turn off the DSL, send darkcanvas.com and related domains that I host to a cheap-ass hosting company, shoot the TV, and *FORCE* her to pay attention to this world instead of taking the easy way out.

But I have a very bad feeling about how that will go.

Anyone know how to set up an intervention? Because I think that’s about the only way I’m going to get the message across.

more importantly, where does one get help for “online addiction”? Unless it’s depression. At which point we’ll need more than just an intervention.

Argh.

About Kevin Sonney

Kevin Sonney - who, contrary to popular opinion was NOT raised by wolves - grew up in central North Carolina. He fell into the technology field by accident in 1991, when he gave up the wild and crazy lifestyle of an on-air AM radio DJ to become a mundane technical support monkey. The technology industry has never really recovered from this. Kevin has worked for such names as IBM, Red Hat, webslingerZ, and Lulu Technologies (we won't mention the ones that didn't survive the experience). He currently works as a Linux Administrator for Apptio. In his spare time he rescues stray animals and plays video games with his two sons. His wife, we're sad to say, helps him get past the really hard bits. Kevin is still not very mundane, he just got better at hiding it.
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2 Responses to 1321

  1. evilgoddess says:

    I went through something like this in a relationship. Honestly, its such a hard thing to deal with and its rapidly increasing in a lot of people’s lives. The internet/games have become such an addiction for so many. I went through an addictive phase and the only thing that saved me was shutting my internet off for 6 months. Now, It’s more controllable. This was also when I was 21 and I’m 25 now. I lost a relationship over it. I’m not sure if there are any support groups out there for this kind of thing. I guess the only thing to do is go cold turkey. Sad that is like an addiction such as cigerettes or alcohol. I really really hope it gets better. I know from reading your LJ you have been struggling with this for months.

  2. ratnix says:

    where does one get help for “online addiction”?

    <sarcasm>Check Google.</sarcasm>

    I have a bit of a addictive/compulsive tendency myself. Not to the point of Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets, but, I spend a lot of time on the net, I do a lot of routine work items. The thing I got out of my self-analysis is, there’s a lot of contributing factors. Am I addicted to the net? Am I simply unhappy (general depression), and using the net as an escape vehicle? If so, can I substitute something else? If I’m substituting, does it mean I’m still compulsive in other ways? If so, is that a bad thing, if I’m staying on top of things? A ‘walking depression’ kind of thing?

    (I finally decided I was just an introverted geek and was ok with myself)

    So, what I’m going for is, there’s causes that may not even be thought of, and things that you have thought of may be red herrings. It might be staying at home and feeling cooped; it might be a post-partum thing, an “I’ve had my kids, now what do I do with my life?” thing; any number of things. The net use may just be a manifested symptom, not a root cause. But I can totally get the frustration. Wish I had a better thought than “more research needed.”

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