Like a dying sun, I burn brightest before collapse

Part of dealing with a problem is admitting you have a problem. Just admitting to myself that I am burning (burnt) out makes a whole lot of difference.

Putting myself back together is another matter. Almost any stress is a trigger point for me now. That’s not good, because it includes the mess we had getting ready to go to the barber shop this morning. First it was going to be Daddy & R, then R said no but J wanted to go, so I got J ready and then Mommy said that R *HAD* to go, so I had to make him get ready and by the time I had found the keys to the van and had everyone in I was ready to scream in anger and frustration.

Not good. Probably normal, but maybe not to the degree I was reacting to it.

Yesterday I talked with JS – one of the sales managers – not as a subordinate, but as a peer who I have worked with for 3 years – the first such talk we’ve had in a while. I explained where I was mentally, and he pointed some things out that I had noticed…but I hadn’t recognized, if you know what I mean.

I dunno what I’m going to do, but I’m taking it one day at a time.

If there were a $3 yoga class on night that wasn’t Tuesday (at least until Cub Scouts break for the summer), I’d so be there.

About Kevin Sonney

Kevin Sonney - who, contrary to popular opinion was NOT raised by wolves - grew up in central North Carolina. He fell into the technology field by accident in 1991, when he gave up the wild and crazy lifestyle of an on-air AM radio DJ to become a mundane technical support monkey. The technology industry has never really recovered from this. Kevin has worked for such names as IBM, Red Hat, webslingerZ, and Lulu Technologies (we won't mention the ones that didn't survive the experience). He currently works as a Linux Administrator for Apptio. In his spare time he rescues stray animals and plays video games with his two sons. His wife, we're sad to say, helps him get past the really hard bits. Kevin is still not very mundane, he just got better at hiding it.
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16 Responses to Like a dying sun, I burn brightest before collapse

  1. ryeth says:

    I didn’t comment on the last entry I read, but *hugs* all around.

  2. kitashla says:

    Sean has this problem. For Sean he takes all of the big stresses in his life and shoves them inside and tries to deal with them that way. Unfortunately, that means the little stresses get the full brunt of his anger and frustration.

    We had a huge fight about a month ago that had absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with the stress from work and his stress about his health.

    Little stresses like being PK’d too many times in WoW will set him off but he’ll handle the fact quite well that he’s been robbed again.

    On one memorable occasion he kicked the shit out a Hewlitt-Packard because he couldn’t get the firewall to work. It wasn’t the computer that had made him that angry, but it was the trigger for everything else he’d been bottling up. (Only reason I was mad at him for kicking the computer was because I thought he’d break it and then try to use mine leaving me without a computer. Is that wrong? Incidently, computer survived with only a few scratches and a hole in the wall behind it.)

    I’d give you advice on how to fix it, but Sean’s still dealing with it. But his outside stresses have been increasing over the years as opposed to getting less.

    I’ve come to be able to recognize that certain times when he’s yelling at me, he’s not really yelling at me. Doesn’t mean I don’t get pissed off at him for it, but I recognize it for what it is. I’m a safe vent for him. He knows I will be a lot more understanding than the kids will.:)

  3. meiow says:

    HoneyBunny teaches yoga, of the meditational variety. If you’re serious and interested, give him a buzz: [email protected] or 465-4379

  4. suhl says:

    Where is $3 yoga on Tuesday?

  5. frijole says:

    dude $3 yoga?!?

    for some reason you + yoga = (error divide by zero) or something to me, it just seems odd, but then again…

    and seriously, something like that, where its nothing *that* big but your reaction is really magnified like that and stuff, if thats happening a lot, it could be a sign of something bigger (jeez it seems like these days im saying this to everyone, but really…) like the evil d-word.

    even if its not that, if its just stress and stuff, it might still help to work it out with a professional, ya know?

    good luck man

    ps: it really really does seem like im telling almost everyone around me they seem depressed these days, hrmm….

  6. alchemist says:

    Unless it’s changed, the UU on Wade Avenue, 7pm Tuesdays. Marty Solomon and/or Mike McLean teach.

    Asuming, of course, it’s still going on. It’s been a regular thing for over a decade, though, so I doubt it’s going anywhere….

  7. alchemist says:

    I need to talk to him anyway about some other stuff.

    Do you know if it’s Hatha + Mediation or if it’s just the meditation? That’s what I was doing, until other concerns pulled me away (and, I suppose, started pulling me apart).

  8. ryeth says:

    What’s the UU?

  9. alchemist says:

    Of course there’s depression involved, but it’s actually symptomatic of the larger problem. I’ve been through several resources and done a lot of reading in the last few days, and I can pretty much say I’m experiencing almost every symptom of over-stress and burnout you can find. The most comprehensive list I’ve found so far is at http://www.psychwww.com/mtsite/smsymstr.html for over-stress symptoms, and http://www.psychwww.com/mtsite/smburnt.html for burnout.

    I think ath this point it’s not about avoiding it, but coping with it. And maybe next time knowing what to look for…

  10. frijole says:

    aha i see…

    yeah, that would be bad to treat it as its own if its just a symptom…

    but hey, you’re on the path, reading and looking into stuff, so things can only get better.

    hang in there man!

  11. alchemist says:

    UU = Unitarian Universalist Church. if you head into town on Wade from the Beltline/40, this one is on the right, about one road past the Gorman Street Light. It’s easy to miss, since it’s behind lots of trees.

  12. meiow says:

    HB gave me a long answer to this… using a bunch of words I have no idea how to spell. So, uh, give him a call. :D I *can* tell you that he works with the student to tailor the sessions for him/her… and it’s free, one-on-one sessions set for whenever fits both of your schedules. He likes having students to keep him on his toes.

    Also, would you be up for playing soccer on Sundays? A group gets together (starting around noon), and they’re looking for more players. You’d know a bunch of the people. :)

  13. alchemist says:

    Ah, I’ll have to give him a shout later.

    Tomorrow is the first Sunday of May, and is the day the Bonsail train rides start for the year. First Sundays will be train rides with the kids until December. I can’t waid, because it’s a getaway for us – even if it is only for an hour or so. :)

  14. alchemist says:

    Thanks. How’s doing these days? I haen’t heard much from him on or offline in the last few months.

  15. ryeth says:

    Yeah he hasn’t been in live journal in ages, he never got hooked so it was easy to fall to the wayside. He’s doing ok, thanks for asking. :)

  16. ferociousbcycad says:

    Yay for $3 yoga! ;-)

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