Christmas day quote

Her comments on XMas day when I was talking about my next planned tattoos :

“Well, don’t be surprised if I don’t want to be seen in public with you if you have tattoos all down your arms.”

…interesting…and disconcerting. As if what I look like matters more than who I am to her….

Thank the gods for the Zoloft. Otherwise I’d be back into a little bit of a black pit. Still spent too much time grumpy with her on Xmas day. But still….will see what 2006 brings…

About Kevin Sonney

Kevin Sonney - who, contrary to popular opinion was NOT raised by wolves - grew up in central North Carolina. He fell into the technology field by accident in 1991, when he gave up the wild and crazy lifestyle of an on-air AM radio DJ to become a mundane technical support monkey. The technology industry has never really recovered from this. Kevin has worked for such names as IBM, Red Hat, webslingerZ, and Lulu Technologies (we won't mention the ones that didn't survive the experience). He currently works as a Linux Administrator for Apptio. In his spare time he rescues stray animals and plays video games with his two sons. His wife, we're sad to say, helps him get past the really hard bits. Kevin is still not very mundane, he just got better at hiding it.
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10 Responses to Christmas day quote

  1. meiow says:


    Have you suggested the idea of going to therapy together with her? If you’re going through therapy on your own, it might be helpful even if you *weren’t* having any problems in that arena, just so she can get a feel of your mental state and what you’ve been going through.

    Heh – are you listening to Bela because of my post? :)

  2. moonfl0wer says:

    oof. that’s a real blow. i thought she had warmed to the whole thing–? :/

    sorry things are bumpy right now. *hug*

  3. alchemist says:

    Actually, no, no therapy for me at the moment. It looks like most of my depression was/is stress related. The bigger issue being, of course, that the kinds of stress and depression I was experiencing can (and do) damage the physiology of the brain.

    Right now, I’m treating the dpresssion as a physical problem, but that’s the root cause. I’m giving myself at LEAST 4-6 more months on the pills.

    On a more interestng side note, I can actually FEEL when the drugs are interacting with my thought processes, which is one reason why I think it’s more physical than mental, you know?

  4. alchemist says:

    Well, I thought she had loosened up and was more tolerable of them. I guess I was wrong. Although, in retrospect, I was wrong about many things this past year. But we’ll see.

    I’m trying not to over-analize, because that is the path to assumptions and wrongness (in my recent experiences).

  5. alchemist says:

    Ah, sort of. I’m listening to Bela because and I were discussing if I would consider myself Goth.

    The answer was no, not really, unless it’s as the “Lysandra” type – I’m more of an 80’s alternative person, when what wasn’t mainstream was “alternative” – Echo and the Bunnymen, Bauhaus, Love and Rockets, The Smiths, The Cure, Siouxxie, LoA, Bjork, Butthole Surfers, The Cure, REM & U2 (before they sold out and got preachy), etc, etc

    So then I’m thinking “Bauhaus was both Punk *AND* Alternative” so i have to put the Bauhaus Shuffle on the ipod….

  6. kitashla says:

    I went through something like that with Sean. To this day I still don’t understand that. For him though it was just this out of the blue hatred of body modification. He was always fine with it. And then all of a sudden he wasn’t.

    He talked about divorce when I started seriously planning my back piece. He would tell me that the piercings and tattoos I had made me ugly to him. And all I had then was my little nose stud and the small piece of Sanskrit on my back. He would talk about how happy it made him to have his Amy back when I would have to have my retainer in for work. He talked about how much he hated the mistake he had on his back. (And in his defense it really is. There is a reason you should have to wait until you are a mature adult to get inked.)

    I never understood his utter hatred. Especially since he’s always known I wanted to do this stuff, we just couldn’t afford it before now.

    He’s fine with it now. He’s stretching his lobes with me (bastard skipped sizes though so he’s bigger than me *grin*) and we’ve long been discussing the perfect cover up for that ying yang on his back.

    But still, that feeling of total rejection when he was completely opposed to something that did mean so much to me. Sure, it’s just ink or holes, but it was something I’d loved forever that made me feel good about myself and his rejection of that part of me was the same as rejecting me.

    And in your case, you don’t want to think that your spouse has stipulations on what makes you attractive enough to be seen with.

  7. dr_scholl says:

    I’m with on the therapy thing.

    Wait until after the stresses of the holidays – then talk to her about if she wants to go to counseling together so you can share what’s important to each of you and why it’s important (including the ink). Could be something deep inside there for her that she’s not even totally aware of?

  8. sandypar says:

    I don’t know what comment to leave you other than I am here if you need me. One step at a time…

  9. susan_z says:

    Eeek. i’m sorry to hear that. i must admit, i have a hard time understanding her stance, but then i tend to be biased in the other direction (i tend to wonder about people who don’t have any ink or body mods at all). i wish i had something more constructive to say, but at least i can give ya a virtual **hug**.

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