Only sort of ironic…

I’m reading the new Rob Bell book “SexGod : Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality”

And on Page 120, he describes the EXACT reason my marriage fell apart.

And no, its not what you think.

I don’t know if I should laugh or cry.

Maybe a little of both?

Addendum: I decided to laugh at the absurdity and predicability of it all. Hindsight is 20/20, and healing is forgiving yourself first.

About Kevin Sonney

Kevin Sonney - who, contrary to popular opinion was NOT raised by wolves - grew up in central North Carolina. He fell into the technology field by accident in 1991, when he gave up the wild and crazy lifestyle of an on-air AM radio DJ to become a mundane technical support monkey. The technology industry has never really recovered from this. Kevin has worked for such names as IBM, Red Hat, webslingerZ, and Lulu Technologies (we won't mention the ones that didn't survive the experience). He currently works as a Linux Administrator for Apptio. In his spare time he rescues stray animals and plays video games with his two sons. His wife, we're sad to say, helps him get past the really hard bits. Kevin is still not very mundane, he just got better at hiding it.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Only sort of ironic…

  1. kitashla says:

    Okay, now my curiosity is incredibly piqued.

    What on earth does it say on page 120?:)

  2. alchemist says:

    “Imagine a wife whose husband isnt the man she wishes he was. He lets her down, again and again and again. She begins to withdraw, to retreat, and to hold his failures against him. If they are even capable of discussing the problems between them, often she will have a list of thins she wishes he did. And so this puts him in an awkward position. If he does the things on the list, she won’t know why he’s doing them. Because it just comes naturally? Or because he’s trying to score points with her? From her perspective, his motives are unclear. And so she develops a scorecard, usually subconsciously.

    If he’s good, she comes near, but if he fails, she stays at a distance. Her affection, her actions, and ultimately her love become conditional.”

    Now, to clarify, this isn’t the ONLY thing that went wrong, but it’s certainly what ended up happening. Eventually I couldn’t live up to her ideal, and so when things got bad, and I wasn’t that man, and wasn’t going to be that man, she turned to other sources of affection and shut me out.

    All stemming from issues that run deeper than just the worst year of my life. That was just the catalyst that brought them to the surface.

  3. kitashla says:

    Actually, that’s textbook about what went wrong in a friends marriage as well. Okay, so he was an alcoholic that was the child of an alcoholic, so he was emotionally unavailable a lot. Still, she kind of set him up for failure at the get go. Because he didn’t fix everything that was wrong with her and fill the shoes of her absent father, she resented him.

    Actually, she used to tell him all the time that he wasn’t a man, couldn’t be a man and a host of other things that focused on demeaning his manhood.

    Which, you know, totally made him want to be a better man. *snort*

    But that ultimately was where things went wrong. He could never redeem himself. Good things he did were simply temporary because after a certain point, she already expected him to fail.

Comments are closed.