it kills me to give up the tickets for tonight. it really does, but after thinking about it for the past 4 hours, I’ve realized something important : I’ve been an ass for the past two months.
Hockey, Trilug, Work, and squeeze in some time with Renee and the kids.
Waitasec, I say to myself, that’s bullshit. Hockey is a luxury. TriLUG is a side project. You work to live, not live to work (and that’s an issue all by itself). So why am I spending all my time on that stuff? Why is Ray so excitable and stuff when I’m home?
‘Cause I’m home less and less, and even when I am home, I’m so busy trying to do everything else that needs doing, I’m not paying any attention to him. So he behaves badly, and gets the only attention he can.
I suck. I’ve been a horrid parent, I’ve been a bad husband, and I’ve been so-so at everything else. Renee will forgive me. I already asked her to. Dad understands, and I just made one of his co-workers really happy. Ray will be happy – he gets to spend more time with Daddy. I can’t make up for the past few months in one night, but I can try to spend more time with him from now on.
But if I’m doing the right thing – why do I feel so bad? Is it because I’m not gonna forgive myself for a long time? Or because I placed too much importance on the game tonight, and now, the fact that I’m giving it up, really, really hurts? or both?